Threads

Unconditional Love

2009-12-29T02:10:00.005-07:00

I had hoped that things would change. I believe that was the flaw in the plan. I had failed to notice, the never changing smile, the ever open arms. Every request that I made had the unwavering response, "As you wish". I only looked for variations, mistakes, flaws and there were none.

I had failed to compare and be grateful for what I had. I could barely reflect on all that I gained. I was focused, too focused on finding the gap, preventing an inevitable loss. Because I was sure. I was sure that there will be loss, followed by numbing pain. The good times never last, I knew that to be a fact. "Things will change. I should be prepared." It had become my mantra. More truly the bane of my life.

First to disappear was the laughter. I suddenly noticed the silence and felt glad for the change.
Second symptom was the arrival of headaches. Throbbing and aching. They would last for hours.
It took me so long to realize, the "inevitable" loss was of my own making. He suffered as well at my silent rebuke. Unbelievably, even more than me. But he never shared. Never wavered in his smile. Even now if I would ask, he would still insist "I am always here for you".

Third blow was the disinterest. An unannounced and silent death of the heart. It would be minutes before I would notice he is home. There was no light in my eyes when he smiled. I was driving him away, testing his resolve and dying slowly as I killed his love in my own heart. It was deliberate and cruel. But I was helpless in the act, he was cooking dinner and was now always at home, trying to help me heal. I hated him.

Life was on a derailed trajectory as I was trapped in this mind numbing paralysis and It would have stayed its course, had she not come into our lives. Her smile used to make him smile. A real smile, so effortless. The way he used to smile at me. I wanted him back. All of him. I wanted to rush into his arms. Be reborn. Hold him till I cant breathe.
and then, I saw her too. So tiny and cuddled up in his arms. She looked at me ~ the color of my own eyes mirrored in its depths.

A sister I had found. And I had also found the trust, my 'Pa' would never change. He had love enough for both of us.

An Aching heart (Harry Potter Fanfiction)

2009-09-15T01:09:00.004-06:00

DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to J.K.Rowling and no copyright infringement is intended.

It was raining heavily and Severus was stuck at spinner’s end with Pettigrew whimpering at his side. He would have been sufferring too, but his experimental potion was working wonders at countering the effects of multiple crucios which the Dark Lord favoured. He did not mind the pain. He had often faced Voldermort’s wrath. It was the ache which was unbearable.

In his 18 years of servitude with Dumbledore, he had ample opportunity to analyze love and its power. Dumbledore certainly insisted on researching it. Snape could recall countless occasions on which the headmaster had taken to narrating stories of extraordinary powers of love. Even shy hufflepuffs were known to battle with fierce protectiveness when their loved ones were endangered, and Snape was not a ‘shy hufflepuff’. He was a powerful wizard and he was in a constant battle, with himself. Because he was responsible for her death!! Lily...

He knew he had the power to smash into smithereens anything which would threaten him. Fear was an emotion which Severus inspired in others and suffered rarely from. But it was fear that scorched his very core when he realised, that the one person who he truly wished to kill, the one person he could torture till eternity and relish in it, the one person who had brought death to Lily Potter’s doorstep... was himself.. Severus Snape.. a death eater.

A light sigh escaped his lips. Rain had slowed to a slight drizzle and he still had three more locations to scout and search for Harry.

Albus believed, Harry was the key to it all, and for Severus, he was the one who could end it all. Harry Potter, an exact replica of James, with her eyes. Lily’s eyes, reminding him that he should not be alive. Guilt pierced his heart because he was still breathing.

Severeus had ensured that Harry’s... Lily’s eyes held all the hate that he deserved. He hoped to face his own death in those eyes. It would have surely ended a lot earlier if he would have just told Harry the truth, but Albus had wisely intervened, and Harry was now destined for his own battle. And according to what Albus had told him, Harry’s battle was with death itself.

He crouched low as he apparated near the forest clearing and made his way towards the thick cover of the trees. He moved towards the lake hoping for a chance to lead Harry to Gryffiondor’s sword.

It wasn’t long before he saw Harry and slowly murmured as he envisioned her smiling eyes, “Expecto Patronum”. The silver doe shining brightly in the silent forest flitted towards Harry, leading him to the lake. Severeus had always loved Lily. ”Always..”, he thought ... and he smiled.

The Story is also posted on Fanfiction.com: URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5100672/1/

Image Courtesy FanPop: http://www.fanpop.com/spots/severus-snape-and-lily-evans/images/6711208

~Eliminating Evidence~

2008-07-14T23:49:00.004-06:00

"Did you enjoy doing that?", she hesitantly asked. Awkwardly approaching him, finding her way through the debris. Her heels made it difficult to walk on the soft ground, and yet she kept making her way towards him... steadily... Interrupting only to throw a few more questions his way. "What made you even think of such a foolish thing?"
Her tone was light-hearted, gently coaxing him, to give her a smile.

He knew it wasn't genuine. Her heart was beating much too quickly, her flushed face and clenched fists were indication enough. He could read the worry etched in her eyes.

"Are you going to reply to any one of these questions I am throwing your way?"... He gave her a look. Messy hair, brown eyes, dressed in a black t-shirt and denim jeans. She was the most beautiful thing in his life.
"No..", he replied bluntly.

He had an uncanny ability to read her mind, but she didn't lack such talents, either. She knew that he was scared too, she had noticed his quick glances to check if anyone had followed her, noticed, that his hand had never strayed far from the gun hanging in the holster latched onto his belt. He had taken off his cap and even tied his jacket at the waist.
"What if they find out? They will all come looking for us."

"If all goes as planned, things won't come to that.", he remarked dryly. All his life, this had been one thing he had been warned about, to never get involved. To never get into situations which could bring about even slightest of discomforts. But this... this was something bordering on a nightmare. Already, the events of this morning seemed blurred..unreal.

He had not told her yet, but he knew that she had guessed. But how could he begin to explain? It was difficult to convince even himself sometimes.. but, when he had walked in on their meeting, there was no room for doubt. They were planning to eliminate all the evidence. Which meant even him... and also her...

She was within his reach now, he could almost grab her hand.. and he did. "Let's go".

He turned around and ran. He had barely made it across the 3 mile mark, before he heard the blast. As the soot rained down upon them, he turned to look at the blazing fire... he looked at her and smiled... "yes.. I did enjoy doing that..".

How much have you read?

2008-06-09T23:24:00.002-06:00

What we have here is the top 106 books most often marked as ‘unread’ by LibraryThing’s users. As in, they sit on the shelf to make you look smart or well-rounded.
Bold the ones you've read,
Add (*) beside the ones you liked and would (or did) read again or recommend. Even if you read 'em for school in the first place.
Add (<--) if the book is in your wishlist.

Addendum
Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell
Anna Karenina
Crime and Punishment
Catch-22 *
One Hundred Years of Solitude
Wuthering Heights
The Silmarillion*
Life of Pi : a novel
The Name of the Rose
Don Quixote
Moby Dick
Ulysses
Madame Bovary
The Odyssey
Pride and Prejudice
Jane Eyre *
A Tale of Two Cities
The Brothers
Karamazov Guns, Germs, and Steel: the fates of human societies War and Peace
Vanity Fair
The Time Traveler’s Wife <--
The Iliad
Emma
The Blind Assassin
The Kite Runner
Mrs. Dalloway
Great Expectations
American Gods *
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius
Atlas Shrugged
Reading Lolita in Tehran : a memoir in books
Memoirs of a Geisha*
Middlesex
Quicksilver
Wicked : the Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West *
Frankenstein
The Count of Monte Cristo *
Dracula*
A Clockwork Orange
Anansi Boys
The Once and Future King
The Grapes of Wrath
The Poisonwood Bible : a novel
1984 *
Angels & Demons
The Inferno
The Satanic Verses
Sense and Sensibility
The Picture of Dorian Gray
Mansfield Park
One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
To the Lighthouse
Tess of the D’Urbervilles
Oliver Twist
Gulliver’s Travels
Les Misérables <--
The Corrections
The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time <--
Dune
The Prince
The Sound and the Fury
Angela’s Ashes : a memoir
The God of Small Things
A People’s History of the United States : 1492-present
Cryptonomicon
Neverwhere
A Confederacy of Dunces
A Short History of Nearly Everything - Bill Bryson.*
Dubliners
The Unbearable Lightness of Being
Beloved <--
Slaghterhouse-five
The Scarlet Letter <--
Eats, Shoots & Leaves <--
The Mists of Avalon
Oryx and Crake : a novel
Collapse : how societies choose to fail or succeed
Cloud Atlas
The Confusion
Lolita
Persuasion
Northanger Abbey
The Catcher in the Rye
On the Road
The Hunchback of Notre Dame
Freakonomics : a rogue economist explores the hidden side of everything*
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance : an inquiry into values <--
The Aeneid
Watership Down
Gravity’s Rainbow
The Hobbit*
In Cold Blood : a true account of a multiple murder and its consequences
White Teeth
Treasure Island
David Copperfield

Unbidden

2008-03-26T07:07:00.020-06:00

No one had seen her coming. Her disshelved appearance should have caught everyone's eye, but it made her a part of the mayhem around. Just another figure in the background. It was an art and she had mastered it completely.
The art of invisibility.

But It failed her today.

Today of all days when she was hoping to rely on it the most. She was going to meet him today.

She will let him see her. Maybe even let him touch her hands, like he used to when he was a kid, searching for the rest of her in the myriad lines on her palms. Today, maybe she will find his heart again, to stay in. But she trembled at these thoughts, for he was a kid no more.

And so it was, that she walked with the crowd again. She had left her tresses uncurled, her lips bereft of any shade, just the way he preferred. Pale in the scorching heat, she moved towards his grand hotel and made herself invisible. Waiting for him and only him to see her.

He came, but did not stop. He did not even look around. Could he have forgotten already?
She didn't wait and ran after him.

She called out to him.

She knew he could see her now. His eyes were shining like two parallel mirrors, recording her image, repeating it a million times over.

It must have been a minute later when she realised, he wasn't the only one watching her.

The bullet had found its mark.

'An Abridged Fantasy'

2008-03-04T20:56:00.009-07:00

He was sitting outside her door. Waiting.

Fiddling with configurations of his digital wrist watch. Wishing, If time could move past.. the ordained hour.
One could tell, he was a man of action, not used to waiting. His lack of patience was evident in the way his eyes would glance at the wall clock every few minutes and the rapid tapping of his left foot was evidence enough of his nervousness. He had loosened his tie and his hair was standing up, almost a home now for his stray fingers as they browsed through, in anticipaton. The worry etched on his face was almost seeping into the room, every tense second engraving lines on his face. If one was morbid enough, they could see him ageing... second by second.

He had been waiting for this moment for almost an year. The perfect time when he could be someone's Knight. The thought of finally taking the jump, the responsibility of another life. But the gravity of his responsibility had taken time to sink in. He was scared.. he would be a fool to not admit that, but more importantly.. he was eager! All his instincts assured him that he would not fail this. He will always take care, 'a commitment for life'.
The slight hum of the Air Conditioner was still keeping him company but his ears were attuned to pick up only one sound. Her cry... or the opening of a creaking door.

It must have been only another 15 minutes, those which felt like ages to him. The door creaked open, and he turned around.

"come in Sir"..

He walked in.
She handed him his baby in his arms.
As he gazed with proud tearful eyes at his wife, he could not believe how wonderful it felt, as his fantasy... came to Life!

Remus and Tonks (a harry potter fanfic)

2008-01-02T15:24:00.000-07:00

DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to J.K.Rowling and no copyright infringement is intended.

A journey of a thousand miles

It was only yesterday that she was teasing Sirius, wasn’t it? She remembered walking into number 12 Grimmauld place, only to walk in on Remus and Sirius laughing and saying something about being fifteen and idiots. She’d stumbled, not surprisingly, and had entered the room to find both Remus and Sirius barely standing upright, as they struggled to control their laughter.

Amused by this spectacle, she had commented, “So… is it true? You guys made out when you were fifteen?”

This resulted in an initial gasp of shock, followed by an even more uncontrollable fit of laughter. Sirius regained his composure, only to ask, “Whatever gave you that idea dear cousin?”

“I hope this is just an after effect of keeping your hair green, Nymphadora,” Remus had continued in a lazy drawl.

She didn’t bother to suppress her urge to frown when he used her hated first name.

“It’s Tonks, Remus! As for where I got that idea, I just heard both of you talking about being fifteen and idiots.. and for two good looking guys, you both sure seem to be obviously single.”

“Well, dear cousin,” Sirius replied, “There was the small matter of being in a prison for 12 years.”

“And as for me,” Remus continued, “Being a werewolf does slow down the social scene a bit.”

As she’d listened to both of them laugh again, she could easily imagine them as school kids prowling around Hogwarts, coming up with sneaky pranks. She distinctly remembered how Remus had turned a brilliant shade of red, when she had walked up to him and said, “Well, what’s stopping you now!”

Sirius had teased Remus the whole day about going soft on his cousin, and she had taken to turning her hair green whenever she saw Remus, just to remind him of the conversation.

But today, everything was so drastically black in Grimmauld Place. Everyone was in black robes, dressed for mourning.

She had eyes only for Remus, because she knew he would know her pain and because she knew his pain as well. She saw him standing near the fireplace, staring at the glowing embers as if willing himself to see through them. She walked towards him.

Her toe caught on the rim of her black robes just as she was reaching him, but his hands instinctively came out to support her.

“Are you okay Dora?” he asked with concern, and she could not deny him a smile as she replied.

“Well sure! What to fear when the werewolf is near, right?”

But he only held on to her even more tightly. As if he was the one needing her support and not the one providing it. She just enveloped him in a warm hug and whispered, “He would want you to be happy, Remus..”

Remus only nodded and whispered back, “He would want the same for you.”

They had soon fallen into the habit of seeing each other every day. After the Order meetings, or before she would be leaving on one of her assignments, they would just sit in the kitchen and he would make her a cup of tea. She had gotten in the habit of keeping track of the moon cycles, arranging for the wolfsbane to be ready on time and also keeping a meal ready for him while he rested after a transformation, even if she had to ask Molly to help her with the cooking.

During one such evening, they were having a cup of tea after an Order meeting when Remus tiredly mentioned, “I wish things had turned out differently.. Harry needs so much more than he has. Sometimes it’s hard to believe what we’re asking of him. If only I could give him the home he needs. Dora…I...uh…How can I solve this?”

It touched her to see him opening himself to her, but she wasn’t ignorant of the worries which haunted him. And she knew that Harry was like a son to Remus, not just a responsibility. She leaned in closer and slowly brushed his cheek, trying to reassure him through touch as words failed her. But she managed to say, “We will figure it out Remus…together…we’ll figure it out.”

Remus breathed a sigh and as he took her hands in his, there was an amber glow in his eyes; a fading reflection of the questions going through his mind. “Why, Dora? How is it that you can look at my scarred face week after week and not grow weary? Why is it that you try to see worth in me when everyone else knows my life to be a misery?”

She touched her lips to his in a gentle kiss to show him why. She wanted him to feel what she felt for him. And as her hands touched him in reverence, she let them convey the words that he needed and her kiss to be the thread of conviction in what she felt. But she knew that he needed to hear the words, needed for it to be said, and so she did, interspersed with kisses all over his face, his scars, his eyes; in an attempt to reach his heart.

“Because you can look at my bubble gum pink hair and still see me instead. Because all your scars can’t take away the fact that it’s your smile that makes my day; and you may turn into a werewolf once in a while, mister, but is that anything even close to changing shapes every day?”

Remus could only look at her, part in awe and part disbelief. Could he really deserve something so good in his life? He knew that he was holding onto her. She was part of why he was still going on, along with Harry of course. But did he really have a chance at the happiness that she offered, or was he pulling her down? The world still wasn’t ready to truly accept a werewolf.

She noticed the frown creeping back onto his face and took him in her arms again as she said, “We don’t have to plan the whole journey just yet; all we need to do, is take a single step.” The first step…on a journey of a thousand miles.

Overactive Imagination

2007-12-31T17:48:00.001-07:00

She knew that the bus was unusually late. She was even expecting the delay, well, what more could one do when the heavens decide to rain and start thundering loud enough to deafen those who could hear. But what she had not taken into account was the slow creeping darkness, the apparent loneliness on the bus stop and her strange imagination on an all time high.

Though she hated the idea of waiting for the bus alone, having that strange man with a smoking cigarette in his hand, as her only company, was even more disconcerting. He seemed oblivious to the rain, as if with each inhale and exhale of the poisonous bouts of smoke, he was breathing heat and warmth into his body.If she had been a fancy writer who believed in Vampires, she would have described his character as someone 'enveloped in loneliness of a cursed life, breathing each sunset to devour more life, making friends for a night, only to remember their loss for an eternity'.

She sighed as another guy came over, running under the cover of his briefcase. Dressed in a formal shirt and black trousers, he seemed to be returning from his day at office. His 5'o clock beard gave him a very appealing unshaven look, almost as if he was a 'Knight in the court of Kings, sworn to protect the weak and fight for the Kingdom, but too tired after the battle' - 8 hours long - in front of a desk, in a comfortable chair. A fight which apparently has no casualties but takes lives on a daily basis. She smirked at the cruelties of the corporate world, turning her Knights into unthinking robots.

'The Vampire was slowly slinking towards the pretty girl in the corner, his dark coat flowing in the wind, enhancing his bat-like features as he moved in for the kill. The Knight was the first to hear her words of distress. His right hand, adorned with a mighty timex was now tapping the Vampire on the shoulder.'
"Excuse me sir, Can I get a cigarette?"

She smiled warily. In the world of fantasy, Knights may kill the Vampires and save the damsel in distress, but in the real world, they may just end up consorting together to share a cigarette, while the damsel gets in her bus, to go back to her own dreary life.

A Legend?

2007-12-16T23:11:00.000-07:00

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One shiny night in December, a very wise and old wizard named Sratanant Clauheus was wondering why muggle world feared magic and would hurt any witches or wizards.
Gripped in the throes of his confusion at this state of things, he was ultimately fortunate enough to arrive upon an idea.

"Why, Of course.." he thought, "We only offer to curse or jinx, because we have to defend ourselves afterall. But maybe we should offer comfort and gifts!.. and spread some cheer during somber winters for all".

He picked up his festive dress robes in Red and white.. and donned his half moon spectacles and threw some floo powder to travel tonight. While pondering upon his final destination, he solved his query, by a quick shout out to.. "A muggle home!" in hurry.

----
Meanwhile, Mr. and Mrs Muffles were very worried. This year had been especially tough with the money. Little Jimmy was still waiting to get a bike. The season was also not having mercy on them and it was getting difficult to get warm food to the dinner table every night.
With only a glass of milk and some cookies left, they had, with heavy hearts, retired to their beds. But little Jimmy was still hungry for some food and took little steps towards the main room. He made sure that mom and dad were sleeping, and he moved without a sound, quietly peeping.

But as he approached the cookies, something truly amazing happened. The fireplace coughed out an old man in funny red coat who looked simply battered.Gathering up his courage, he went to get a closer look, still holding the plate of cookies and the glass of milk, at the man standing besides the books.

---
The little meeting in that old muggle home, is responsible for a thousand legends today. Some remember the old wizard as "Santa Claus".. some who initially believed him to have nicked food, ended up modifying the story to call him as "Saint Nicholas". But all who tell this story, cannot forget the cheer he brought along with his gifts, and they all remember for one night.. that believing in magic is truly a gift!

A Black Winter

2007-12-05T09:22:00.000-07:00

Her days were spent in clearing the snow-filled passages and fixing the pipes। Hauling the snow with her trusted shovel, she would continue on her task until it gets done. But this white winter was showing no signs of an end. Every day she would clear up the roads, only to have them lined with snow again.

Tired and hungry she would return, only to have the creaking noises of the old house keeping her awake all night. She begged for the winds to stop howling,

"I hardly get any sleep.. Just stop the winds for tonight!".

She fervently hoped that her prayers would be answered. The winds heard her plea and sounds of the night abated for a while. Holding their breath, ready to gasp in surprise.

She was drifting to sleep. Cold was creeping in from the cracked window and now a layer of frost adorned her blanket. Shivering, but too tired to let go of her sleep, she snuggled further, seeking the absent warmth.

As the morning hours approached, she stared at her icy fingers, the white of snow from outside the window ~ almost blinding in the sunlight. She was rubbing her hands in a frenzy.. trying to revive the circulation. She moved towards the sunlight, dwelling in its warmth, gathering the strength to live another day.

In the receding darkness she could still see the Snow Queen, Royal in her carriage, promising to return and see her again tonight. She smiled and thought,

"Three more days to Christmas,
Three more days to survive,
Three more days for the Snow Queen,
to try and take her Life
Three more days till Father Christmas
Three more days till he arrives
Three more days for the Saint himself,
to fetch her away from this life.
Three more days .. of the Black Winter.
Three more days till respite
Three more days till her thoughts linger,
on 'where shall i get some food tonight'."

Warded

2007-11-19T12:40:00.000-07:00

The slow clinking of wood against metal bars indicated that Dragon was on the rounds again. Soon, he would pass this cell too, making sure that all were diligently suffering as they should. Every cell silent within its own wards, every cell a place of a recluse.
It was two months ago I guess, when the realization hit. I am in a prison. Three bare walls, a table, a chair and a creaky bed completed the world. The metal bars offering the only awareness of the outside world and at every instant, a reminder, of being imprisoned.

The Dragon, was the chief warden. He breathed fire, or something equally foul. His words always managed to instill fear in all. But he rarely talks to me. I have never tried to escape.

I like it here within the three walls. The three walls of fear have become my three walls of fame. Blank, like a clean slate, I look at these walls and I want to be like them. Stoic, Bare, Unfeeling, Strong, White!
The day I become a wall, I believe I could pass through them, but I guess I won't wish to, anymore. I like it here already. Three meals at quarter past of three hours. Dragon making its rounds at half past every hour. The huge clock of the Prison Clock tower, indicating each hour gone as the bells toll. Its like being trapped in a mindless loop of reliving each day.

But something is different today. The Dragon has stopped at my cell.

"Someone here to see you", He said. Almost Gently.. as if he was unable to shout at me.

I got up from the bed to look at him, and noticed the metal bars had gone. There were the three walls, the Dragon and the world beyond .

"Who?" I asked hesitantly, as if my voice had forgotten how to form words.

'Dragon only proceeded to put handcuffs on me and escorted me away. Away from my home, away from my walls. I felt exposed.
Unknown eyes staring at me from every corner.
I just kept following Dragon. Soon he had taken me out. Out and there was a Sun again.
Bright like a shining star in a black sky.

A dim glow of what it used to be.

"You are being relocated back to Earth, your home has been decontaminated and you were found not-guilty."

I could only stare at him, unable to comprehend his words.
"Earth? Home?"

"Yes" he said as he nodded. "Go back home now.."

And as his strong minions pushed me down the hole. I could barely recall, what the hell was I here for?

Chapter 3 : Ninja Knights

2007-09-18T19:32:00.000-06:00

It had been a terribly stressful week. One day merging into another, no time to take it in at all. But as Friday approached.. hope came back with it, and along with it came the hope of possibly running into my 'mystery' guy again.
On Friday evening, after spending a few relaxing hours with my books and chatting with my friends.. I thought of taking a stroll outside. It was after sunset and the sky was slowly converging towards darkness.. approaching the midnight blue. I was dressed in a warm sweater and jeans and casual shoes. I had only planned to take a short walk around the house and be back in about 15 minutes. But things rarely go as planned .. do they?
I was just about to turn the corner when i found myself jerkily grabbed into the shadows with a hand covering my mouth and a voice whispering in my ear to keep quiet. I hastily tried to jerk and turn around trying to see his face.. only to find myself in the arms of the mystery guy. Well.. i confess i might have thought about this happening.. (certainly not in this fashion tho)!!?? and before i could interrogate him or punch him in the face..whichever might have come to me first..
I had another shock...
There standing right where I was seconds ago.. was a man or a woman .. i couldn't make out.. completely covered in black.. the hilt of a sword dangling from his back.. a very life like figure of a ninja straight out of a graphic novel (comics...as you might know them).. but there was nothing 'comic' about this whole scene.
I felt like i was losing my mind or was wrapped up in highly unrealistic alternate universe of my highly active imagination. Before i could come to a conclusion however, i realised that .. this Ninja..person was reaching for his sword.. and then i did the most natural thing which i think i would have done.. i ran!.
I was running and my mystery guy was running right alongside me..When we reached a house right at the end of the road.. he grabbed my arm and said "Here.. This is my house.. come!"
we ran up the stair to reach his door..and hurriedly ventured inside.
We crouched low and didn't turn on the lights.. and while i was catching my breath.. the 'unreality' of it all started to hit me..and I knew that I was now.. inside the apartment of a guy who i barely knew .. and he was not two inches away from me.. and it was dark!..
I flinched and pushed him away.. "Who are you?" i asked.. and "What is the meaning of all this"
The street light was filtering in through the blinds and i could see that he was signalling me to stay quiet. He stood up to check outside the window.. seemingly satisfied after 5 minutes of inspection.. he visibly relaxed and went on to turn on the lights. The apartment was lightly furnished with a few grocery bags lying around.
He remained standing near the light switch and said "Look.. I can explain.. but don't freak out"
"Dont freak out!!??" i exclaimed.. "you are in no position to ask that of me sir... who are you.. whats your name.. please explain what the hell am i doing in your house at this hour"..
Well.. he drawled.. "I am just a college grad .. studying here.. under Professor Zeus..er.. my name is Andy.. and... you.. are here because we were finding a safe place to hide"..
"What!!.." is that all I am going to get??...i wondered "now be honest Andy ...if that is your name".. i murmered.."Is this some twisted ploy of asking a girl out?.. making your friend dress up as some freak show.. scaring me into running to your house..!?"
He almost paled.. and I thought.. HA.. got you!.. But he seemed to be shocked, at first.. and then he smiled.. "Ahh.. now that you mention it.. It does seem to be a nice idea to get a girl to my room... but .. seriously.." and all hints of a smile were gone from his face.."see.. watever your name is.. I dont understand this any better than you do.. but I have been noticing some strange things.." he stalled... "um.. about you.. actually"..
"Strange things??" i inquired.. "The only strange thing thats happened to me the whole of last week.. was to possibly run into you and to consequently find myself standing in your room!"...I was losing my temper.. i knew that wouldn't help.. but Oh.. he was not helping!!!... and i was just a short while away from losing it completely..
"Just tell me as it is.. Andy... the whole thing...before i conclude that you are just a crazy guy and scream for Police!!"... Something about this whole fiasco .. had made me more curious about this mystery guy.. well now he had a name atleast..
"In a nutshell.. you happen to be someone with a crazy power of Intuition and these Ninja Knights.. are after you..because they want this power for themselves.. and I am the assigned Guard who is supposed to protect you..and hence, I can't let you out of my sight".. It was a few seconds before i realized that my mouth was open and .. a while later when i realized that I was laughing... "That!!.. " i said, unable to control my giggles.. "is one of the most hilarious of lies ever... you didn't even tryy to sound convincing..".. I was smiling.. "So.. this WAS some elaborate ploy of asking a girl out?"
But instead of joining in the bubble of mirth that i found myself in.. he merely said..
"No!.." ... "No!.,.. you don't GET it!!"
The force of his denial made me stop "What superpowers of Intuition am i supposed to possess then?? and How is it.. that YOU are supposed to be my guard.. and YOU don't even know my name .. and YOU didn't even fight that Ninja guy.. YOU.. RAN.. After me!!" ... "If i would not have seen that Ninja whatever with my own eyes.. i would have possibly already slapped you and walked out.. but YOU better explain this to me!...and this time.. tell the truth!"
He scrunched up his face .. as if he had just smelled something foul and visibly struggling against his breath.. excalimed.. "Oh.. allright!.. but the truth is stranger than the fiction that i just made up and you won't believe me again!..See.. It isn't your life that is in danger".. I rolled my eyes..I knew what he would say next.. "and.. you don't have any superpowers.. and neither do I.." he was staring at his shoes.. head bent in shame.. "Its just that..." and then he looked up staring right into my eyes, possibly to show the sincerity of his answer.. "I Have noticed a few strange things happening to ME lately.. like.. Life threatening situations.. and then.. YOU turn up out of the blue ... and save me.." ... shock wasn't the word... this guy truly needed help..
"and pray tell me.. as to when did I have the misfortune of saving your life.. by just turning up!.. and how is it that I am not even aware of it being a regular occurrence.."
"Well.. It isnt so regular..." he confessed "Its only since the last weekend"... "Things have been happening to me since the last month...I would find myself.. inches away from falling into a 20 feet ditch or stuck inside a phone booth.. slowly losing air...I have barely been surviving these weird occurences.. er.. Professor Zeus.. well he is a major in Psychology.. and I moved here.. because he thought It was some sort of a suicidal tendency of mine .. which was just manifesting itself..and He thinks that I am trying to kill myself.. But.. last weekend.. I was just about to be run down by a car and there you were... asking me If i was ok.. and I WAS.. I didnt have a scratch.. I was too shocked to say anything to you... and the next day I was just out there playing ball and you came down.. and I could sense that something bad was about to happen.. but I knew that you would keep it at bay.. and didnt want you to leave so soon.. and so I asked you to stay.. and today... I wasnt actually sure what was going to happen.. but I knew .. I could sense that something.. was here... and I ran towards your house on instinct and did the only thing i could think of and held on to you.. If you would not have started running.. I would have probably just freezed right there.. and died on the spot.."
my eyes were blazing.. I had never thought I could be as angry as this... "Well.. you can keep your mumbo jumbo philosophies right with you mister.. sir.. or Andy or whatever.. but I am through with you and I don't want you to come anywhere near me.. I am no savior of yours and you are HUGELY mistaken.. the gall of you... i held on to you to save myself.. i asked you to stay and play to save myself... crap.. idiotic me to even think you might have a shred of sanity in you... I am going and I am hoping that I never run into you again... " and with that i slammed the door to his house and ran out...
As i reached home.. I didn't know if i was more angry because i felt that he was only using me.. or because I could not believe that a guy so good looking could end up being as twisted as that.

and my last thoughts as i was going to sleep that night were.. that.. I had enough stress in my life to not have the addition of saving someone else.. one weekend at a time..

Chapter 2 : Weekend Blues

2007-09-16T23:15:00.000-06:00

I hardly take notice of time on the weekends. It just has an odd habit of disappearing minute by minute and constitute a zero productive day or ZPD as i refer to it. I kept thinking of stepping out of the house and doing something fun, maybe even have a chance of meeting Him again.. but thought nothing of it further and stayed put.
I just went to the balcony around noon to get some sun.. and took a book along with me. The plot was getting interesting, I was almost skimming over the words, aching to turn the page.
Yeah, i can understand that you must be wondering why this bit is being included in the story.. but i just wanted you to know that if things would have been normal.. 'this' would have been the most exciting thing in the entire day.
So, as this wasn't quite the normal day, the next thing which i noticed... was not the sudden threat the heroine in the novel found herself in, but the rather handsome personality of my bothersome accident victim.. playing on the basketball court.. all alone.. whooping with joy. well well well.. i thought, will the wonders never cease? and gripped by a (as yet) unidentified emotion.. i found myself getting into my shoes and out the door.. walking towards the basketball court.
"Hey!".. i called out.. "how are you feeling today?".. encouraged by the flash of recognition on his face.. i moved to the court. wrong move!.. should not have been so eager, i thought.. after the glaring silence of his response. But, quite unexpectedly.. he passed me the ball and said.. "Can you make the basket?". Having never played any sports in my life before and knowing that i would fail at it even before trying, i felt quite relieved in at least knowing the answer to his question. "No.. I Can't" I smiled as i passed the ball back to him, unfazed by my response, he almost eagerly came forward and offered to teach me. Having nothing better to do, and enjoying the thought of seeing his attempts at basketball lessons, i agreed.
Half hour into it and i must confess.. i could atleast get the ball in... a couple of times (fluke or not).
and.. He was smiling again ..I still wonder why i notice that everytime. "I should be heading back!", it really wasn't usual for me to not have a ZPD weekend.
"Sure" He said.. "See ya around"..
Looking forward to the exciting plot twists of the novel.. the latest videos on youtube and the couple of DVDs on rent..I headed back to the house.

Thinking about the entire day, i wondered, why did it feel as if something just didn't fit? How was it that He seemed so familiar.. and i could have spent the day with him.. and yet.. not know anything about him.. not even his name!?!
How could it be that I was looking forward to seeing him again, yet didn't want to think about him at all (not that I could help it!).
and Why was it that i noticed his smiles? Why did they seem guilt ridden? and why would he not talk about the accident on sunset boulevard lane?

any answers?

Chapter 1 : The sunset boulevard

2007-09-13T00:08:00.000-06:00

Studying the sunset was almost a ritual, the changing hue in skies, onset of darkness.. slow creeping away of the light. It was fascinating how something which was an everyday event, still managed to come up with a new show every night. Everything else just seemed to be a blur now, anyways. I could hardly distinguish one day from the next. Life so ordinary.. the horror of normality. Not that i didn't see this coming, I was hardly the one you could write stories about, everything turned out to be quite nice and as planned. Growing up in a proper family, getting good grades, studying in a good college, working in an international company, having friends.. family. One could not have expected anything out of place. Still the very fact that you are reading about me here.. well.. makes you wonder doesn't it?.. if there could be a story out there..

I am as surprised as you, that my life could have any extra ordinary components, but it was just a chance encounter which turned things around that way. The utter silence of the house had driven me to take a walk outside, it was time for sunset again. I walked the familiar path to the lake and seated myself on the bench, picking up the twig from its hiding place.. i began the carving from where i had left it off.. scrape.. scrape.. the pocket knife chafing away. The loud honk startled me from my lost thoughts.. and even as i held on tightly to the deep cut now gracing my finger.. i looked over to find the source of this commotion.

Owner of the jeep was stepping out to inspect the damage and He was just trying to stand up straight and balance his bike. He seemed pretty shook up.. must have come under the car, i thought.. brushing the dust away from my jeans and walking towards the scene of the accident.
"Are you all right?" i asked.. He seemed hesitant in answering ..seeing that i could not be more of a help here.. I made my way back towards home..and as I was getting ready to close my eyes and mark the end of yet another day.. I could not help but recall.. the shook up look in His eyes... His flushed cheeks.. and an almost guilty smile lingering on his lips...

goodnight.. maybe i will continue the story in the next post

Giving up

2007-09-07T10:45:00.000-06:00

He had been on the run for four days now, exhaustion was biting into every cell of his body. If only he could get some rest and lie down for a while. But, lying down was not an option, no.. he could not rest just as yet.

He still had forty more of them to fix and if he could not undo the damage caused by the explosion within the next twenty hours.... well.. he shuddered to even imagine the possibilities. He still had not figured out what had caused this in the first place, but wherever he turned he could see.. ruins of what once used to be a manifestation of a city of dreams..

How he came about here was another mystery, he didn't seem to remember.. he certainly had not applied for the job. But he understood the implications of not doing it and he realized that he was quite adept at maintaining this place.

It was almost as if the dreams had an affinity for him, he could coax them into fluttering away before they could become an obsession, he could charm them into being more beautiful to bring peace and he had already proved himself to be quite capable at keeping the rouge ones away. But this.. this was a disaster... every pillar.. every stone.. shattered to pieces..

Everything smelled of death... but he could not just let go.. he had to fix this.. he had to keep it alive. Of all the things that could fix this place, he knew that believing in it was the first.
and so he had been.. working .. working like he never had... fueling the place..mending what he could. Collecting all the pieces and willing them into reforming themselves.

yes.. he could almost get this done.. if he could just go on.. for a little more while. The exhaustion of reality was pressing down on him.. compelling him to accept defeat. He shook his head and stood up as he said "No... Giving up on dreams, is not an option!!"

He will keep at his work... until the the darkness recedes.

Thought Train

2007-07-30T12:54:00.000-06:00

The train was not as populated as one would imagine, given that it was a weekend and sun was out for a change. But i was not complaining, I could not thank the ultimate powers up above enough for finally letting me have a little chance at solitude. It wasn't often that I would wish to be left alone with my thoughts, they tend to take me down a spiral of nothingness. The idea of thoughts had turned into quite an obsession with me lately.

Why was it that a thought completely unbeknownst to me a second ago, became something which i owned a second after, whether as an opinion or a point of view? How is it that most of the bright minds which came up with grand ideas can only give an unsatisfactory answer of 'it came to me', when questioned about the origins of these very ideas?
and if... as some theologists suggest.. thoughts are ever present and pre-existing in the environment waiting to be perceived by 'attuned' minds... then I would like to believe i am on a quest.. to tune my mind into getting the solution.. to let the answer to this question just pop into my head..

I was so intent on this particular thought train of mine, that i did not even realize the most astonishing miracle of finding myself still standing on a platform and a 'Golden' train whistling away near the scenic locales of Wiltshire. It was only the tiny tinkering of tools which jangled in my ears, and irritated me enough to take note of my surroundings.
Misconstruing the events, I approached the workmen, to ask if the train is ready for boarding.
Two tiny, almost pygmy sized bald men, engrossed with their tools looked up at me then, the smaller of the two almost fainted with fright. Hesitatingly, they approached , the elder one answered, "ya'migh as'ell fin answa to tha' on the tr'an ma'm".
Frustrated and still amazingly unaware of my surrounding, i boarded the train. It was then that i realised, this wasn't any "usual" train at all.. could it really have been possible that i was on a "real" "thought train"??
Curiousity and apprehension both materialised and i rushed back to the only other people around.

"Is this really a thought train?" i asked..
"D'nno abt much ma'm but u a'nt the only one to come arnd... we 'appen to get a few p'sngrs every few 'ears or so" the elder one answered.
"Who operates the train? Where do thoughts come from? What do you do here?" it seemed like i could finally get all my answers now.. the answers to all the questions , all the thoughts in my head... The smaller one had finally got over his fright.. he came towards me and held my hand...
leading me back towards the train..
"thoughts on the train.." he said pointing towards the train.. insisting that i board it..

well, i thought (thought...why do i think so much!!) lets go in and find out then.

As soon as i boarded the train, my clasp on reality faded, I found my self floating amongst golden threads, some entangled .. others long and running for miles.. solo.. I followed these strings towards the point of origin, surprised again to end up at a single point, who would have thought (thought!!!!) ofcourse thoughts are all here.. at one place!!
and then i noticed an old man sitting with a charkha, holding a spool of gold in one hand and churning the threads out.
"So you create all the thoughts?" .. i asked
he smiled and said.. " they can neither be created nor destroyed"
"I just collect them and keep them safe and churn them out when there are people ready to hear them out"
"You mean to say.. That this is real.. its not just a silly figment of my imagination?"
he again soberly answered.. "Imagination or reality are not defined in this realm, neither is apparent goodness or badness of a thought"
"A thought in its original form, is just a manifestation of unadulterated energy.. sometimes it creates... sometimes nought"
"Do you know all the thoughts then? do you know what people are thinking? Can you control their thoughts?"
"I do not know anything.. I cannot control anything.. I cannot answer everything.. afterall.. even I... am just a thought".

Reflections & Perceptions

2007-07-11T16:49:00.000-06:00

The Hotel was swarming with Tourists. People of various nationalities were strutting about, in the lobby. Her eyes were immediately drawn towards the quaint looking young man, walking around with a turban on his head.
She thought he must have arrived here from a completely different era. "how amusing it would be to be locked in this enchanted place for centuries", and smiled at her whimsy.
The twins were giggling as usual, they always found things a little bit too amusing.

As she caught a glimpse of the lovely lake outside, she wished to settle in quickly and spend some relaxing hours near the lake.

She was known to have a keen sense of observation. The twins had teased her often enough, for getting lost in the museums, staring at the paintings. But, she was fascinated by the history of things, to look so closely at something that had once adorned a king or a queen. She especially appreciated the imagination of a painter, of how he could bring thoughts to life. A transformation of thoughts into a visual snapshot of life.

As it turned out, her fascination with paintings was rewarded as soon as she entered her Hotel room. She was captivated by a life size painting of... Her. She stopped in her tracks, unable to move. After what seemed like almost a hour, slowly... almost reluctantly, she tore her eyes away to turn around, only to find herself facing Her again. It took her a few minutes to realise that She was just a reflection of the painting.

But why would the mirror be angled in such a way?

Despite her misgivings about the strange place she quickly dressed, to go down to the lake. The beauty of this place made her wish for time to freeze in this moment.

As she was walking back towards the lobby, she noticed the turban guy again. He was in conversation with his "self" in the mirror. His "self" seemed to not have a turban at all. In fact, the mirror guy actually looked quite handsome..
Wait a minute.. this didnt quite make any sense. She stepped closer to the mirror in the lobby, but before she could have had a closer look, the twins were demanding her attention; insisting on a game of hide and seek.

and given the strangeness of this place, she could lose herself here forever..

She quickly returned to her own room after dropping the twins off to the play area.

And there She was again.. striking in all Her beauty. Pale glowing skin, dressed in a Grecian White off shouldered robes, with her hair bundled at the top and few curls finding rest at the nape of Her neck. Her features were so... familiar.. and it was then that she realized - it was quite clear actually - the reasons why it was so strange to look at Her. The painting was a true image of herself, yes... the true image. The way she always thought herself to be.

As she turned around to now look at the mirror, she realised what she had seen in the lobby with the guy in the turban. The Lady now smiling...in her reflection, was the one she always wished to be.